Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
