We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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