did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You work out of a Hotel?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
