Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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