Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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