just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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