I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
