Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Randomize
