i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
