Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
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Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
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We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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