this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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