Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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