you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
