would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
