I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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