i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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