So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Randomize
