after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more