My nipple is on Facebook.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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