I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
They took my balls.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
