there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
