I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
