I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
