do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
