I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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