when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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