Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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