New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
