I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize