Need sex. Gaining weight.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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