Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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