My nipple is on Facebook.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
