now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
