I like to think it a success when the cops are called
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
