She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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