My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
