is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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