Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
