I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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