he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
