Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
