Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
