Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
