Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
