remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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