My Higher Power is John Stamos
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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