im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
