I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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