I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
