living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
