i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
