Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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