Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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