nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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