im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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