when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
