I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
