Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
how does that bad decision feel?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
