can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
