White coat. Heels.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
