So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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