nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
