Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
