Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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