look no pants
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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