It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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