there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
